I want to fuck you because
I don’t know why, and it’s not as though I haven’t thought about it.
What is it (once you’ve discounted the mindless physical pull, because even when it’s there it’s not enough anymore)? Perhaps I want to bind your thought processes to mine with my body, kidnap your mind with my cunt, borrow your affection with the swing of my hips, seduce your synapses with a soft tit in your hand, keep you in my thrall with my sleeping bare skin next to yours?
But we could be friends. We could have a drink, and a laugh, and a serious discussion about the kinds of things you don’t talk about in casual company (the kind of things that are deeply-felt, but don’t crop up when you talk about the weather/work/kids/the slow slide into the sea of ice-capped politics) for fear of being considered pretentious, self-obsessed and possibly deranged.
The softness, the yielding: I think (but later, not while I’m melting softly, yieldingly into it) that there must be some reason men crave this, this physical vulnerability and contrast. Her mouth is so soft, and she kisses me back the way I think I kiss (and do I feel like this, taste like this? this nipple, this cunt, so this what their tongues feel, the men that fuck us), and the triumph I feel at the end is in the double mindfuck of doing what I know I feel. This physical vulnerability that echoes mine, is it a means to unleash some well of tenderness in those who are stronger, harder… and that thought perishes; we pit our strength against what is less yielding, and are pinned down, held open, pounded, hit and hurt: they must know there’s no brittleness below the softness, it doesn’t break, it fights back, and takes what it wants.
This how I wind my mind round yours: with my legs round your hips, my scent in your nostrils, my taste in your mouth, my cries in your ears. I push you through that caress that is so smooth and sweet under your fingers to the iron core that is wrapped in this apparent fragility. The little tendrils of thought and words and shared connection are pulled tight, bolted down irrevocably (for now) and the tightened with every tightening tremor of my body, and sealed with come upon my skin.
April 15, 2008 at 10:55 pm
An epiphany, Z: my eyes wandering over the text, scanning back and forth, held. My thoughts, my mind, on your words. In a word, then; tethered.
An ending, for your opening line. A closing line:
“I want to fuck you because it’s really the only thing left to do.”
Yours,
.6
April 16, 2008 at 1:35 am
so lovely…. favorite line is “kidnap your mind with my cunt”
thank you for sharing this!
April 16, 2008 at 5:04 am
Six, damn you! That’s the perfect closing line. Why didn’t I think of that?
Sabine, I’m glad you enjoyed it - I like that line too
April 16, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Sublime
April 17, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Im with SabineMoss on the kidnapping. Quite beautiful Z x
April 18, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Gulp.
“…the iron core that is wrapped in this apparent fragility.”
That’s it exactly.
x
April 18, 2008 at 11:24 pm
damn…i was reading this while listening to a totally hot rockin’ song and it(your post) had an adrenaline-fueled, sex-driven appeal to it that made me grin with salacious thoughts…
cg
April 19, 2008 at 1:17 am
” keep you in my thrall with my sleeping bare skin next to yours?” my favorite line, and it really resonates with me.
This is an awesome post, great job.
April 19, 2008 at 9:37 am
I want to fuck to possess, I think. To slip under his skin and make him mine.
Yep. That’s how I feel, always. No matter with whom, which is why I’ve never seen the lure of the casual fuck (unless I’m ovulating, in which case anyone with a pulse will do, as long as he’s clean, handsome and, well clean and handsome. And tall.
Tell me about this titganza, please, Z. I’d love to donate, but get sent to link after link. It’s a bit complicated. Would you drop me a line?
Love,
o xxx
April 20, 2008 at 4:03 am
I was curious to come here after a post by curious girl…
wow what a way with words… so do I find women think in such ways? one who thinks like “This how I wind my mind round yours: with my legs round your hips, my scent in your nostrils, my taste in your mouth, my cries in your ears.”
I am aroused at the thoughts you bring to my mind with those words…
April 21, 2008 at 8:39 am
Thanks Bunny: sublime is a good word to have bestowed upon one’s writing
Cake, now I’m wondering what the ransom should be.
Marianne, it’s weird, isn’t it, the way we are made up. On the other hand, it’s just as well there’s an iron core, or we’d be all floppy like jellyfish.
cg, I often write listening to music, so I’m glad you read it that way. Someone showed me the post that sent Percy here, and I send you a kiss.
Marcello, I think part of seduction is trust, and I like the idea that it continues through the apparent passivity of sleep - and I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
Orchidea, I know what you mean. I used to like the false, borrowed intimacy of a casual fuck, but that isn’t enough anymore - now I need that slipping under the skin.
Percy, I’m glad my thoughts do more than just sit on a page on a screen, I’m sure there are plenty of women who think the same way, they probably just don’t go on about it
April 24, 2008 at 2:03 pm
this is wonderful … i love the way you carry us through this, such a familiar experience for many. i love the kind of friendships were you can casually and openly talk about the intimate aspects of life without worrying that the other person is going to think you’re demented.
“This how I wind my mind round yours: with my legs round your hips”
Wow. That simple sentece is so perfect
I love coming by and reading your blog. Its always so introspective and open. And terribly clever.
April 25, 2008 at 8:49 pm
ECB, friends who don’t think you are demented are always useful
But that’s a good point, really. People we can do that with are worth holding on to.
I’m glad you enjoy reading, and the clever thing made me smile, because I’ve been feeling so not-clever lately.
August 1, 2008 at 2:46 pm
you wind your mind round mine, time and time again, doing it all, all the way to keeping me enthralled. and yea on the friend thing, too.
August 1, 2008 at 11:52 pm
max, I’m glad, and the friend thing is a given.